As a child, I knew of soul-ties. It was taught to me via my religious upbringing and almost weaponized as a punishment of premarital relations. As many before me and as those that even taught me this notion, I didn’t truly learn about soul-ties until experiencing it for myself.
In friendship, soul-ties can exist. I’d gone through so many life-changing events with my two dear friends, Dari and Zach, that distance was no match for our love for one another and our reconnection (in a geographical sense), has been the most beautiful chapter of 2022 for me.
In my most recent and serious relationship, even during “great” times, I continued to consult God and my guiding spirit, Momo, on if this bond was healthy and able to withstand so many differences among us. This angered my invasive partner, who would question why my Youtube search history or my diary had anything related to soul-ties. Deep down, I knew our tie was unhealthy, and feared that he preferred me to stay blind to that. Still, when the cord was violently ripped apart, I found myself feeling sad and alone – a for sure side effect of a soul-tie, an unhealthy one.
What is a Soul-Tie?
A soul-tie is not God’s punishment for dating. In my opinion, it is a deep connection with another person. It can be particularly cemented by premarital relations. Sex, does not have to be involved to foster a soul-tie either. In the christian religion, the notion is that when two people marry, cohabitate or copulate, they become one. I don’t subscribe to this belief system anymore, it is that thinking that made me feel incomplete when friendships and relationships would collapse. You are not half of yourself, or at least you shouldn’t be, in any relationship.
What YOU should know:
- You are a whole person. You’re an individual who has goals, interests and dislikes that are all your own, aside from anyone else. 1 + 1 = 2, do not subscribe to the idea that 1/2 + 1/2 = 1. Two, is always better than one.
- Life has so many options. Experiencing heartbreak? If you’ve lived enough life, this heartbreak likely isn’t your first. You’ve healed past failed friendships and betrayal before, you’ll heal past broken promises again. Perhaps, the universe is making room for something NEW. Allow it.
- You can give yourself closure. Revisit memories without romanticizing them (yes, replay the bad times… the moments where you felt suffocated or unheard, too) and think about if you really want to foster an attachment to those feelings.
What you Can do: (To break an unhealthy connection)
Some people say Mantras, some say Affirmations… Whatever your preference, try to recite this affirmation I crafted and say everyday. It has been so helpful.
To the soul of my friend/ex, (name, optional), I wish you all of the best. I wish you peace, I wish you happiness and healing. But, I do not want to be tied to you anymore or ever again. I release myself. I release you.Bri
It is okay to ask for help beyond family and friends, as their lenses can be a bit clouded by knowing us personally. Therapy is an amazing tool for perspective, self-investment and growth.
To severing soul-ties and living wholly,