Did you read the title? FORTUNATE events.
Yeah, i’m pretty surprised too!!!
It’s been SO unfortunate to deal with crippling depression, anxiety, those thoughts, SO unfortunate to feel so misunderstood and even unloved unless I’m allowing others to deplete me… ( these are my feelings. Please don’t take offense to someone’s honest emotions.)
This weekend, I LISTENED TO BRIANA DERRY.
Not fear, concern about the weather, anxiety over being alone, I listened to myself.
I accepted an invitation weeks ago that has so much significance to my heart.
My Godfather, Corey Williams, before he died , introduced me and most of my family to this place. He raved about it, shared their content and was very passionate about the truth they share.
So was my Momo.
And my Godfathers’s birthday? February 14th.
On February 12th, with the snow storm pending in Texas (of all places), I gassed up my car and drove 300+ miles to see what others, and even myself, were so fearful for me to experience.
The experience, has changed me forever. Here is what happened…
Before leaving and while traveling, the person who invited me is checking on me. That truly assured me that listening to myself was the right thing to do. My sweet, sweet coach, sends me love from Canada. I arrive and check into a beautiful 4-star hotel. Hey, if I don’t have high standards for myself who will? Instead of living in lack and renting the roach motel 6, I chose luxury. Settled in, and the person who invited me , asks to personally greet me. This is a pastor, with a worldwide following, a family of his own, other guests flying in – I was so flattered. I go to meet him and give him a thank you card.
While my money may be funny, my words are magical and never fail me.
We talk a bit about his background. I then ask, “why did you invite ME?”
“God pulls on my heart and tells me to look out for certain people, to bring them in, if they allow me to.”
He reads the card.
“Now I know why God lead me to invite you. There are things you need to heal and I will help you with that. In the meantime, You will have a great weekend. And God has some amazing things in store for you, I know it“.
I float back up to my suite, shocked that I met someone I’ve listened to and respected since childhood. I am also shocked at how easily he read me and my pain.
I knew then, “I am exactly where I should be”…
I am invited to personally tour the place I’ve only seen on Youtube and DVDS for YEARS.
Literally, a personal tour.
Everyone was so sweet and loving. No area was restricted. I saw things that moved me to tears..
So after yet another AMAZING experience, I take myself out and view a property out here. I then return to my suite and melt into my hotel bed.
*phone vibrates* Another invite.
“Dinner? my treat!”
My anxiety – you ate earlier and you should just stay in this expensive bed, sis.
I chose to listen to MYSELF, not my anxiety. I accepted. I came here for a full experience and will accept every opportunity. You all, things happened that I could never fathom…
Dinner was amazing and informative. Great conversation – you know the conversation is great when you can just listen and learn.
*So often, I am the talker, being vented to and trying give advice(I coach now so you can book a session for that, period!), or, I’m talking because I’m trying to steer the conversation to remain intellectual.*
I have endured some painful conversations during this year of grief, just to have company to keep from killing myself (sure I lost a few brain cells listening to one person go on and on about her sex life)…
Dinner ends, and I am in a small group of 4. I know none of these women but they gave me so much …
They took me shopping. I literally needed another suitcase for my ride home.
They took me shopping, again. I did need contact solution.
Each time, I had my money ready to pay. Ready, to wake up in the morning and deal with the consequences of living off dwindling savings. My money was refused each time, but with love. SO much love, that it made me cry. I didn’t feel like anyone’s charity case, I felt loved.
I felt loved.
The night gets even better.
One of the women, insists on talking to me when we get back to our hotel.
My anxiety – you know you’re super emotional, you should just stay in your expensive bed, sis.
Again, I chose to listen to MYSELF, not my anxiety. I accepted. I came here for a full experience and will accept every opportunity. Yet AGAIN, things happened that I could never fathom…
“I just really wanted to talk to you and get to know you.”
Me: “thanks. I am very quiet and awkward but glad to be seen.”
The conversation gets really deep, really fast.
Her grandmother’s name is the same as mine: Rose.
We are the same age.
We both fight anxiety and grief.
We both cling to Christ now , but haven’t always.
We were both discouraged against coming here , but did anyways.
We are both ready to heal childhood traumas, accept what we can’t change about our families and marry to start our own.
I felt like I knew this woman my entire life. She gave me more in our conversation than I’ve gotten from people that actually knew my grandmother (hint: the relative I would tolerate just to keep from killing myself, who only wanted to talk about the miles on her vagina…)
We had a good laugh, after the tears.
Tears are healthier for you, with a dose of laughter afterwards.
Feb 14th (Uncle Coco’s birthday)
I wake up to a frozen car, lol, but so much excitement for what’s ahead.
My faith is very important to me now. I have lost respect for people that demean what I believe. You don’t have to come to church with me, but don’t be disrespectful or even hateful about Jesus Christ. I will look at you differently.
I pile all of the luggage I acquired while here into my car and head back to the place I toured for my first service there.
The tour was lovely, but actually being in service …
The message was about trials and why we go through them. I felt so convicted, guilty and ashamed the entire time. I thank God for that feeling, because it helped me to look at myself – someone I can change, and not to focus so much on family and friends.
Simply put, we are all COPING. Life happens, but so does karma.
I left in tears, of course, – I cry so easily now. When my Momo was alive, she definitely understood that about me and told me many times she was the same way in her youth; trials and faith made her stronger and dried her tears over time.
“Bri, you gone make yoself sick” – Momo , in her sweet, sweet voice.
I was crying because:
1. I went on this trip with NO FEAR. 2. I met someone I admire and I was filled with love from him, his wife, his congregation and a new friend I made. 3. I forgave myself for harboring so much resentment.
In this series of fortunate events, I was shown love, given love, but most importantly – grew to love myself in a new light. I love myself as someone who is fearless and forgiving. I love Briana for establishing the boundaries she needs to heal right now, but to know that this too shall pass.